Some people are kind, polite and sweet-spirited --- until you try to get into their pew. [George Goldtrap, Madison, Tennessee]

The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but the fly comes close. [Mark Twain]

Most of us spend the first six days of the week sowing wild oats, then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure. [Fred Allen]

Do you know the three times that most people are in church? When they are hatched, matched and dispatched. [Lowell B. Yoder, Holland, Ohio]

Quit griping about your church; if it were perfect, you couldn't belong. [Msgr. Joseph P. Dooley, Martins Creek, Pennsylvania]

If a church wants a better pastor, it can get one by praying for the one it has. [Rev. Robert E. Harris]

A lot of church members who are singing "Standing On The Promises" are just sitting on the premises. [Sr. Monique Rysavy]

We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers. [Donna Maddux, Stillwater, Oklahoma]

Every evening I turn my troubles over to God - He's going to be up all night anyway. [Donald J. Morgan, Columbus, Ohio]

I don't know why some people change churches - what difference does it make which one you stay home from? [Rev. Denny Brake]

If a Savior leaves you as you are and where you are, from what has He saved you? [Rev. Denny Brake]

Young man, the secret of my success is that at an early age I discovered I was not God. [Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.]

If your left hand doesn't know what your right hand is doing, you should consider running for a job in Washington. [Anonymous]

To err is human; to blame it on somebody else is even more human. [John Nadeau, Medford, Massachusetts]

Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed up and permanently set. [Rev. Denny Brake]

Go To Religious Quotes Index

Go to Church Humor Index

Go To General Humor Index

Go To Computer Humor Index

Go To Southern, Texas, Yankee Joke Index